We do live in city, not very big according to European standards but still a city , and it can be lonely for some of us who are not overwhelmed by glorified mediocrity and insist on searching for something more. The weird thing is that we are not so anxious about putting our egos and hearts at the line , no matter how much infatuated we are with the opposite person. But how can someone new in our lives be seen as lab rat of all our previous sufferings and heartbreakings in the hands of other people? It shouldn't but that is a mistake that all of us succumb to , we pretend that everything is ok, that this new being has a personality of its own whilst we try to compare every single act to those that did hurt us in the past. We project our fears of possible endings and adulteries constantly therefor isolating our true natures and building a new facade to contain them all, we will not open this one so that we won't have to pick up the shards of our broken hearts from the floor.
Is this the righteous thing to do? No it is not for men -and women for that matter- tend to call their mistakes , experience and if they have learned anything from these memories then it should occur to them that all their emotional wounds derive from different persons , in different times and places , so by mixing them all up and applying the results into every new acquaintance not only they might draw themselves into some rather monstrously inaccurate conclusions , they would also make a villain out of an supposedly innocent human being. The question is why do we torture ourselves in this matter, why can't we just let ourselves experience what we feel if the other partner is also up to it, why do we put all these constraints ? Imagine romance being a florist shop , a cactus does not possess a smell, it is equipped with thorns and is rather unpleasant to one's eyes whilst a rose or even better a jasmine is perfect by all means, its perfume , its unique appearance makes someone not ever regret encountering it even in the most horrible circumstances. Both can be located at the florists, yet they are quite different . So are people , they fit in so many different categories yet all of us try to squeeze them inside the Cactaceae family , even though not all of them fit.
One can only guess that it is a subconscious need to isolate ourselves from any chance of future happiness by forbidding any trespassing in our inner selves. We do condemn ourselves to lives of full of misery so that in the end we can blame everyone else but us for not finding any happiness or not even living our lives to the fullest.
